I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
