I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
