Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
