The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
