We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
