Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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