Porn is love you can see.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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