so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
