Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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