I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
