I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
