And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
