the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
