she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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