How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
