In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
