Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
