Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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