I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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