just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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