I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize