So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We need a shit load of segways right now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
