WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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