The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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