I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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