He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
