the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
