i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
