I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
