A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And then he peed in my hair
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