last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
