I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
