Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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