At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
