I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
