i think my mom watched the whole time
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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