he fucked my hip out of place.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
