i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
