Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
