i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
