how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
