thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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