no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
