Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
