Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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