If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
