I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Boobs are out for the taking
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
