Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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