you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
