Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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