I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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