That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
