So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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