I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
