I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
