ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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