i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
