Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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