Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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