the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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