My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
