Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
