do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Found the puke drawer
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
