You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
