just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
