i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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