lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
