Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
