I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
