you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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